Coming Full Circle

Tomorrow we are getting our beautiful rainbow baby christened. I cannot wait.

We have made lots of lovely plans, picked some lovely outfits, food and decorations for our little girl's special day.

I am so excited to see everyone and to celebrate the wonderful gift I have been blessed with, my beautiful daughter, Florence Ruth. My wish come true. 

And also to watch our dearest friends become her godparents. To guide her through her life laid out before her.

However, admist this happiness, I will be thinking of our sweet boy, Harry. The last time we were all in that church Harry was there with us. Lying in his forever bed, his little white casket. I miss him deeply, and while I know Florence is our gift from Harry - my heart will always ache in pain, carrying this love for Harry that cannot be placed.

As we walk up the steps tomorrow carrying our beautiful girl in her wonderful christening gown, I will remember the hardest walk up those same steps. Harry's Dad carrying the tiny white box, and me, just days after the emergency caeserean still on massive pain relief, holding his arm as we faced the final goodbye to our son. Florence tomorrow will be wrapped in our beautiful family shawl. The same shawl William was wrapped in at his christening, and the same shawl that Harry was wrapped in when we said our goodbyes in the hospital. Memories....

We had Harry baptised in the neonatal unit. One of the few things that we were able to do for Harry. When the minister came to our house a few weeks ago to discuss the service he read the words that would be used in the service to us. Bang - there I was suddenly back in the NNU, stuck in the hospital bed, next to Harry's cot, stroking his foot whilst the hospital chaplain baptised Harry, with Harry's dad and my parents watching on. Tomorrow as we baptise Florence, I will remember the words we read for little Harry. 

I feel lucky that we were able to do that for Harry. It means that all three of my children have been welcomed into God's family. It is special.

With all this sadness however, it is still a special happy occassion. My family and my friends tomorrow will be thanking God for this incredibly precious gift that we have been blessed with. 

The most loved and most wanted little girl.

"We prayed for this child and the Lord answered my prayer" 

a special passage from the Bible that means so much, that we now have this on a plaque in Florie's bedroom.

I also wanted to share this lovely poem, that I may or may not get a chance to read tomorrow at Florie's party. I hope you like it xxx

A Different Child

poem by Pandora MacMillian

People notice

There’s a special glow around you.

You grow

Surrounded by love,

Never doubting you are wanted;

Only look at the pride and joy

In your mother and father’s eyes.

And if sometimes

Between the smiles

There’s a trace of tears,

One day

You’ll understand.

You’ll understand

There was once another child

A different child

Who was in their hopes and dreams.

That child will never outgrow the baby clothes

That child will never keep them up at night

In fact, that child will never be any trouble at all.

Except sometimes, in a silent moment,

When mother and father miss so much

That different child.

May hope and love wrap you warmly

And may you learn the lesson forever

How infinitely precious

How infinitely fragile

Is this life on earth.

One day, as a young man or woman

You may see another mother’s tears

Another father’s silent grief

Then you, and you alone

Will understand

And offer the greatest comfort.

When all hope seems lost,

You will tell them

With great compassion,

“I know how you feel.

I’m only here

Because my mother tried again